Opinion: How to Lose a Saint in 10 Days

This article is an op-ed published as part of The Voice’s “Controversial Issue” 2023. Please see the Editor’s Note on this year’s edition.

Love is in the air as Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching–just not for the students of SSSAS. I sent out a survey asking about our Saints’ experiences with ending relationships to determine the leading causes of breakups. Forty-one students responded and shared their troubling experiences. Here are my unsolicited thoughts.

Unsolicited Thought #1: Let’s put an end to the upperclassmen/underclassmen relationships! 

An unfortunate amount of survey responses revealed an uncomfortable theme of age gaps in relationships within the Saints community. Several students casually mention how differences in age contributed to unfixable problems in their relationships. One student wrote, “My 17 year old boyfriend told me, a 14 year old, that if I didn’t gain weight he would break up with me.” Sadly, this is a prime example of naivety being taken advantage of for the sake of satisfying one’s desires. However, if what he’s looking for is someone with a more mature body, he should know better than to date a child. Pressuring someone to change themselves physically is a clear sign of a lack of genuine care and respect. Because of the difference in maturity levels between a student who is freshly out of middle school and a student who is preparing to go to college, there is often an inappropriate power imbalance which can lead to an unhealthy or damaging relationship. 

More student responses include, “I was a freshman and he was a senior” and “They talked to a minor.” One particularly troubled Saint shared, “He was literally psycho–he always looked at my location and got mad when I wasn’t responding and now he’s with a minor.” Congratulations on making it out. 

Unsolicited Thought #2: It would appear that SSSAS is a school full of heartbreakers. 

Survey data shows 75.6% of 41 students admitted to having ended a relationship with a fellow Saint. When asked for their reasoning, some answers explained:

“He cried in front of me after I ignored him during a party.” This is so harsh–surely that’s not the primary reason you broke up with him. Your problems probably began long before this party if you felt the need to ignore him. 

“Got super jealous of me hanging with friends of the opposite gender.” I think this response may warrant some self-reflection before fully faulting this certain ex.

“Wasn’t even a relationship. I was just bored, but he spread rumors that I slept with him and said that I was easy.” Ok! I don’t want to get involved in a game of he said/she said. 

“[They]Treated me like I didn’t exist and messed with other people.” Are you positive you two were actually involved? This sounds like a common crush. 

“I got cheated on and played and emotionally destroyed.” Happens. At least you were the one to end it. 

Unsolicited thought #3: It could be denial. 

Comparing how harsh the reasons were for why people broke up with someone versus the tame responses for why people were broken up with, I believe most of you were either lied to or let down very gently. “Lost feelings” is almost laughable. You probably did something like cry at a party or pursue a minor. 

Surprisingly, survey data showed that only 41.5% of the 41 students admitted to having been broken up with. When asked why, they responded:

“They were a jerk, and said I was too young.” 

Please see unsolicited thought #1. It was probably for the best.

“They were just talking to multiple people and they chose someone else.”

“She lost feelings and then completely dropped me and hates me now.”

“He said he just lost feelings.”

Unsolicited thought #4: If you’re going to be a heartbreaker, own it.

Most of the student responses enthusiastically placed the blame on others. Very few Saints took accountability for the downfall of their relationships, but the few who did wrote:

“I didn’t want to get serious with them. He was actually great, it was really me.”

“I friendzoned him…oops.”

“The person thought I was cheating and I was.” : o 

When presented with various options of suspected causes that led to the demise of their relationship, 37.1% of students chose “Boredom,” 31.4% chose “Too busy,” and 28.6% chose “Felt smothered.” I am happy to report that only six students chose the “Infidelity” option, but a little less happy to report that another six students or so asked me what infidelity meant or why I didn’t provide a “Cheating” option.

Unsolicited thought #5: And now for an additional segment that I would like to call: “Bitter Saints.” 

When asked what they think they did that caused someone to end things with them, some responded:

“I honestly have no idea he said he didn’t have time for a relationship but now flirts with anything that breathes, so.”

“Said he was too busy with college stuff. Then he got un-busy and now avoids me!”

“nothing. deadass im perfect”

“idk i’m perfect”

“I’m perfect duh”

 If you’re all so perfect…why’d they end it? Remember, humility is a virtue!