Welcome Saints, to the new Voice advice column. Here, students can share their worries, thoughts, and problems in their lives.
My boyfriend and best friend text each other a lot. It’s nothing suspicious but my best friend will never tell me what it’s about when they text unless I ask. My boyfriend doesnt think it’s weird because he’s a boy and like knows it’s not romantic. I have brought this up with my best friend and told her to stop or to tell me when they text, but she still doesn’t and was annoyed when I confronted her about it. I know it’s nothing romantic or weird but still I just think she doesnt know it’s not her place to be texting my boyfriend. I can’t tell her to stop or that it’s annoying anymore because she just talks bad about me to my other friends when I do. also since it’s not like they’re being romantic to each other, it seems overprotective of me to keep asking them to stop
Silly Chimpanzee: Your “best friend” is plotting to take your man 100%. Why would she talk bad about you to your friends if there wasn’t something sus happening? Trust your gut, if you feel like it’s not right then it’s not right.
Fluffy Tortoise: Unless your boyfriend and best friend were close friends before you started dating, this is weird. It’s one thing if it’s homework questions, but anything other than that should not be happening, even if it’s “non romantic”. Why would your best friend do something that she knows makes you uncomfortable? No girl is unaware of what she is doing. She is NOT your best friend, yikes. Also, your boyfriend also has the responsibility to shut this down. Communication is key, so these are discussions you need to have with both of them.
Fancy Fish: If you can read the texts between them, I would do that before doing anything big. If the texts between them feel definitely more flirty than friendly, it’s time to have a hard conversation with your boyfriend and/or your best friend. If your boyfriend is not willing to stop doing something that is making you uncomfortable and your “best friend” is willing to trash you to other people than I fear it may be time to reevaluate some of your relationships. Also, don’t be afraid to ask some of your other friends what they think or if they have noticed anything between them.
Is it okay to feel competitive with the school’s automatic paper towel dispensers? I’ve noticed that some of them give out more towels than others, and I’ve started timing how quickly I can get them to respond. There’s one near the science wing that almost always ignores me on the first wave, like it’s testing me or something. Is it weird that I take it personally? Also, is there a reason why the second-floor boys bathroom dispenser seems way more generous than the others? I’m not sure if I should bring this up with maintenance or just learn to let it go.
Silly Chimpanzee: No this is not a normal thing to care about, it’s just paper towels. If it bothers you this much, you should just air dry your hands.
Fluffy Tortoise: I have thoughts about this too. Like why do some of them only give you one small one and then don’t let you get another? I have to pretend I’m walking away then quickly come back hoping it doesn’t know it’s me the second time. Then I’m stuck waving my hand wildly trying to ease the moisture seeping into my nail beds.
Fancy Fish: It’s very clear that this is an issue that you’re passionate about! While this is certainly an interesting observation, I think maybe the energy you spend thinking about paper towels could be better spent elsewhere. You are right about the second-floor boys bathroom dispenser though.
My friend is in an incredibly toxic relationship and assumes it is normal, I can’t convince them otherwise and I am not sure how to proceed.
Silly chimpanzee: Read what Fluffy Tortoise said. I understand you love your friend and always want the best for them but you can’t always help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
Fluffy Tortoise: Have a “How I Met Your Mother” Style intervention. Big red sign and all. Remind them of the 10 signs of an unhealthy relationship: Intensity, Possessiveness, Manipulation, Isolation, Sabotage, Belittling, Guilting, Volatility, and Deflecting responsibility. Based on the severity of these qualities, seek a trusted adult before it’s too late.
If the relationship doesn’t seem to be dangerous, you may need to distance yourself from your friend so they can realize what’s most important.
Fancy Fish: Fluffy Tortoise put it best. The best thing for you to do is to explain the signs of a toxic relationship that you see, and let them know that you support and love them but they need to get out of this relationship. If your friend won’t listen to you then I’m afraid you may just have to give them some space to figure it out for themselves. As always, if you think the situation is dangerous, do not be afraid to tell a trusted adult.
my best friend got with my ex. What should I do?
Silly Chimpanzee: Get with her ex, it seems fair to be honest. I think that if someone is a bad friend to you, you have the right to get your get back
Fluffy Tortoise: Depends how long you dated. Were you casual? Was it love? Who broke up with whom? If it was love and they broke your heart then you should 100% unfriend them. If it wasn’t that serious, decide whether that’s the kind of person you want to be around. And watch your back. Always. Watch. Your. back.
Fancy Fish: Talk to your friend about it. If she is truly your best friend she should care about your thoughts and feelings about this. Hear her out. Feeling upset about this is completely valid, but it is important to consider her side of the story as well.
What are some good movies?
Silly Chimpanzee: My all time favorite movies are Red Rocket by Sean Baker and The Devil Wears Prada by David Frankel.
Fluffy Tortoise: I recently enjoyed Conclave, fitting now after the Pope’s death. Some of my all time favorites include Pride and Prejudice (2005), Knotting Hill, and Ocean’s 11.
Fancy Fish: Steel Magnolias is my family easter movie and I would 100% recommend it! It’s lighthearted, but very sad towards the end so be warned.
BONUS:
Artsy Artichoke: Deja Vu (2006) Great sci-fi set in New Orleans great Denzel W. performance.
My friends keep saying the f slur and I don’t know how to tell them that’s wrong without them being mad at me.
Silly chimpanzee: Be honest and tell them how you think it’s inappropriate. In my opinion, most people who use that type of vocabulary: A- don’t understand the meaning of it or B- don’t understand how hurtful it can be. If you think that they would get mad at you for educating them, maybe they aren’t people you should hang out with.
Fluffy Tortoise: Look at this situation as an outsider: your friends are homophobic and you are a bystander. The fact that they are saying it often means you should not be friends with them. Tell them it’s not okay then accept the response they give. It’s better to be without friends and stay true to yourself than to turn into them.
Fancy Fish: Silly Chimpanzee put it best. Be honest with them and if they don’t care about your feelings or the feelings of others then maybe they shouldn’t be your friends.
How do I get better sleep through the night? I often wake up earlier than I want to.
Silly Chimpanzee: I used to have the same issue. My night routine consists of getting all my homework done, 1 hour of exercise, a hot shower, and usually by the time I get to bed I’m exhausted. I also recommend the sleepytime tea from celestial seasonings. It’s pretty cheap and helps me relax. However I’m not sure if it really makes you sleep, I think that it’s a placebo.
Fluffy Tortoise: Have a routine. It may take awhile to fully implement but having a constant routine overtime will get you into the bedtime mood. My routine consists of brushing my teeth, doing my skincare, journaling, then some bible study/prayer.
Fancy Fish: Try to not have any screen time for at least 30 minutes before bed. Oftentimes when I have trouble sleeping I read until I get tired, so that may work for you as well!
I don’t like that the school’s dress code prohibits blue jeans because they perceive them as “informal”. I personally express myself through fashion and feel limited by this restriction. Every dress down day I see countless students wearing blue jeans and even teachers. I think blue jeans should be allowed in the dress code because who is to say what color of jean is or is not formal?
Silly chimpanzee: I agree! I personally wear blue jeans to school even though they are technically out of dress code. Maybe we shouldn’t be allowed to wear them to chapel because I can see how they can be informal in that setting, but everywhere else it should be allowed.
Fluffy Tortoise: This is an advice column, not a complaint outlet. However I agree, jeans are way nicer than leggings. It’s still crazy we can’t wear them, though I think the administration is afraid people will make them too “racy”.
Fancy Fish: I think that if other solid color jeans are allowed, then blue jeans should be as well. While I understand the thought that they are less formal, I certainly feel they are more formal and presentable than leggings. I think that if the jeans are solid color with no holes and tears then you should 100% be able to wear them to school.
How are we supposed to stay hopeful about the future of this country? Every time i look at the news i’m just like wow we’re super screwed
Silly Chimpanzee: I don’t watch the news anymore lol. But in all seriousness, try to educate yourself as much as possible. I recommend talking to your history teachers, looking for unbiased news sources, but also not letting the news occupy your whole mind.
Fluffy Tortoise: I encourage you to get out and make the changes yourself! I know it’s hard seeing bad things happen everyday, but we are the only ones who can change that. Try your best to trust the systems in place. If you don’t like them, change them! As Wilbur Turnblad said in Hairspray, “this is America, babe!”
Fancy Fish: It can be hard to stay positive, especially when it seems like only bad things are happening. Trying to find unbiased news sources and looking for more positive stories could be helpful with keeping things positive. Also, finding ways to get engaged, politically or otherwise, with your community or with issues you care about can help to create the change you want to see, so do not be afraid to get involved!
How do I stop putting off longer projects? I didn’t start working on my essay early enough so now I’m quite behind
Silly Chimpanzee: Why do you keep putting them off? Are you stressed about starting? Overwhelmed with other work? Or have a lot of after school activities? Once you figure out the why, work through little by little to see how you can tackle it. My biggest issue freshman year was getting overwhelmed before I even started, so I just delayed it as much as possible until two days before. I didn’t know where to start and I couldn’t meet with my teacher because I literally had nothing. Now, I try to meet with my teacher as soon as a project gets announced and map out a plan for how I am going to finish. I also try to do a little bit of work every day (20 minutes max, like finding a source, or polishing up a paragraph). This has helped me stay on track most of the time.
Fluffy Tortoise: Try as the others have suggested. If that doesn’t work, there may be an underlying issue. Be sure to be eating, sleeping, and exercising well. It may seem unrelated but doing so gives you enough energy to make it through each day and improves your mental health, therefore making you more motivated.
Fancy Fish: I can not stress this enough, do your homework the day it is assigned! I started doing that and I actually felt like my homework got easier and I was doing better in school. Whenever I have a paper assigned, I always use my entire free period to work on it, and start doing that as soon as it is assigned. This way you don’t feel stressed about it at home and you can start chipping away at it in sizable chunks.
