In the past few years, there has been a rise of so-called “trad-wife” content on platforms such as TikTok and Instagram. These influencers don 50s outfits or glamorous dresses while crooning about obeying your husband and baking bread. While not all Trad-Wives attack feminism and women who choose to work, the more inflammatory ones gain massive followings.
There is a popular TikTok by the creator Lily Kate, where she proudly says “I’m not a feminist, I can actually cook!” while pushing a plate of pasta towards the camera. This video demonstrates what seems to be a popular consensus by the trad-wife community: feminists are incompetent, rude, and apparently spend all of their time yelling at men. While there is plenty to critique about the feminist movement, such as exclusion of women of color and trans women, these influencers seem to not know what feminism is.
Let’s spell it out for them. Merriam Webster defines feminism as the “belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.” Notice how this says nothing about not cooking or hating children. Feminism is simply the belief that women deserve equal opportunities to men. Feminism gives women the choice to be a housewife, instead of it being an assumed responsibility. The ironic thing about trad-wives who attack feminism is that feminist actions and protests allowed them to have their platform. They gain money from the content they make, they speak their mind without their husband in the frame, and they post about their lives instead of solely devoting themselves to taking care of the home. All of these seemingly basic rights were fought for and won by women, feminists who sometimes were killed in their fight for equal rights
Now that we know what feminism is, let’s explore why this lifestyle has become so popular, and why a woman would choose to become a traditional housewife. Let me preface by saying this: there is nothing wrong with a woman choosing and finding happiness in being a stay at home parent or housewife. The issue appears when women are forced into this position, or are actively telling others that their place is in the kitchen. The automatic assumption that women should do all of the cooking and cleaning is a sexist world view, and not acknowledging that work as a job is demeaning.
One of the main factors in why a woman might be a trad-wife is religion. Many faiths promote women obeying their husbands, having as many children as possible, and staying in the home. The constant repeating of these values over a woman’s life make it very hard to choose another path. Many don’t know that another path is an option, and the threat of eternal damnation is definitely enough to discourage anyone who begins to think of other options.
This trend is congruous with widespread societal trends. In the 1950s and 60s, researchers noticed a pattern: fewer women were attending college, more babies were being born, and the amount of women in the workforce plummeted. The daughters and granddaughters of suffragettes began to retreat back into patriarchal norms. The cause of this can be traced back to societal pressures: advertisers, politicians and businesses that benefited from women’s unequal status. A similar phenomenon seems to be happening today with the trad-wife community. Young girls are told that staying in the home is “embracing their femininity” or “protecting them from the harsh world outside.” These messages can sound appealing, when social media is full of people stressing about their jobs or the greater world.
However, no matter how honorable their intentions are, trad-wives can cause serious harm, and also ignore the real issues that plagued the stay at home women of the 50s, that modern trad-wives so idealize. While great steps were achieved in the early 1900’s for women, issues were definitely not solved. The popular image of a housewife having forced lobotomies or being addicted to sedatives comes from somewhere. Millions of women suffered, just for someone on Tiktok to don a vintage dress and cosplay their idealized lives. There are still hazards to being a modern housewife. Many people who get married early and then leave their husbands later in life struggle to support themselves. As they gave up an education to raise children, and years of job experience to clean the dishes. Being completely dependent on their husbands paycheck opens the door for serious damage to be done.
Next time you see a trad-wife flaunting their pristine kitchens and immaculate cooking skills, stop and think. Who is profiting off of this lifestyle they promote? Why would they be promoting it? True feminism is giving women the agency to make decisions about their lifestyle, while also evaluating the social pressures that might cause a woman to choose to be a stay at home wife. Even without bad intentions, trad-wife influencers are peddling a doctored and unrealistic view of what being a housewife is, and ignoring the very real damage they could be causing.
